RICC 2018 and Harassment

Where do we draw the line between socially awkward and creepy? How bad does something have to get to be considered harassment?

When I think about my experiences at Rhode Island Comic Con last weekend, there is no point where I felt unsafe or feared for my physical presence, but there were several points where–had things gone any farther or had I been a less confident person–I would have felt unsafe.

The first thing you should know is that this year marks the first time I’ve moved out of my cosplay comfort zone. In years past, every day was a Kaylee day, wearing different coveralls (or her cupcake dress) for the majority of my weekend with other, smaller projects  (like Katniss from Hunger Games and Lydia Martin from Teen Wolf) on minor days or not at all. The constant barrage of “You know who you look so much like?” and “You know who you should cosplay?” made it so I stuck to Kaylee until April of last year. I love Kaylee but I want to have fun with other characters like the other costumes I love and want to wear. So I said to hell with it. My most ambitious show was Chicago Comic Con in August where I wore 4 different characters/costumes over 4 days.

One of these costumes is Zoya the Destroya, a character played by Alison Brie on the Netflix original G.L.O.W. She wears a metallic-red, one armed leotard, with a black fur ushanka, leather belt with the hammer and sickle, and black leather boots. I love this costume because of the way I get to experiment with  hair and makeup; these are more extensive than anything I’ve done before. I also love poses that encourage me to move beyond smiling and holding my parasol. Zoya shows more skin than any other cosplay I’ve done and, until Rhode Island Comic Con, I never felt like this was a problem. I still don’t feel like it’s a problem and I’m not gonna stop wearing a costume I feel comfortable in, but what the hell happened?Zoya at RICC 2018

I’ve been trying to rationalize why, at this small convention instead of bigger conventions I’ve been to, two men approached me and made me feel icky and gross. Was this convention different because I wasn’t walking with a friend/handler? Are people in New England just odd? I was able to safely get out of both situations but I felt trapped in the moment and I’m still not sure how to address what happened.

In the first instance while walking the show floor with a friend, a man repeatedly shouted for me to slow down despite the fact that I was not walking fast. When I did, he asked what character I was dressed as, then instructed my friend to take a full body picture of him with me where he wanted to put his arm around me but didn’t verbally ask. I responded,  “I’m not comfortable being touched” (When asked politely for Zoya pics, I actually don’t mind putting someone into a headlock for the photo!)

He handed my friend what looked like an ancient gameboy DS (though I am unfamiliar with handheld video game devices) and my friend did his best to step backwards into surging crowds to snap a pic. My friend and I attempted to leave after the first photo but the man accosted us for not getting a full body picture which we then refused, stating that it was too busy. The man aggressively apologized, saying “I’m sorry I yelled, I’m sorry that I was acting in a way you thought was rude, I just wanted a picture!”

He later found me talking with friends at a booth, got his full body picture, and then showed up to my panel about Comic Con-ing on a Budget where he asked if the costume contest at New York Comic Con was always on Sunday. It’s not, and that’s not even the convention we were currently attending. After the panel, I was chatting with a few folks from the audience who had relevant questions and the man interrupted to ask if his questions were good. I told him they were not.

But that’s the small scale problem dude. The second experience I had at Rhode Island Comic Con was far more insidious.

It started with me walking by myself around the Dunkin Donuts floor, about to head downstairs to check on the autograph lines when an older man with a camera asked me what was downstairs. Since I had walked the show floor in its entirety on Friday, I was pretty good at giving directions.
Me: “The bigger name celebrities and more vendors.”
He: “Where are the smaller name celebrities?”
Me: “Upstairs, near the Star Wars stuff.”
He: “Oh, do you do these often?”

This is where the conversation shifted from me politely offering directions to this man making me uncomfortable. “Yup.” I said, hoping to signal I was done with the conversation so I could get on with my day. But no, he continued.
He: “What are you dressed as?”
Me: “Zoya. From GLOW.”
He: “Loya??”
Me: “Zoya. With a Z.” I motioned with my hands.
He: “Oh Zoya! Do you mind if I get a picture?”

I didn’t mind a picture. I made a snap decision that I didn’t feel unsafe, I was proud of my hair, makeup and costume, and I didn’t mind this guy taking one picture. He held up his camera and took the shot. While he adjusted his camera settings, I took the opportunity to try to get pumpkin seed shell out of my teeth.
He: “Oh are you chewing gum? Will you blow a bubble for me?”
Me: “Nope, I have pumpkin seed in my teeth.”
He: “Oh.”

At this point he took a second picture and showed it to me. I didn’t care.

He: “Have you ever modeled?”
Me: “Not since I was a kid.”
He: “Are you interested in it?”
Me: “Nope I have a full time job.”
He: “I’ve actually shot some models, you know, BBW stuff, not that that’s you, or there’s anything wrong with being that.”

I now looked for any possible reason in the world to walk away from this man who made me step to the side for his picture and was now in the way of me leaving.
Me: “I have a full time job that I enjoy.” I was actively glaring.
He: “Did you see my hat?” He was wearing a beanie that said ‘Smile.’ I bared my teeth and left.

Did I feel that my life or person were in danger in either of these scenarios? No. In both situations, I attempted several times to verbally and non-verbally suggest my discomfort, but what do you do in a situation like this? It isn’t so bad that I felt the need to go to security, but it makes me second guess even speaking to people who ask directions on the show floor. With first guy, I didn’t feel like he had the capacity to understand the social connotations of harassing someone on the show floor, so my direct (if brusque) language was the best I could manage at the time. With the latter, a friendly gesture turned into me knowing this man was thinking about me in a sexual manner. I felt violated, and maybe I should have told him that what he was asking was incredibly inappropriate given the setting we were in. But I needed to get away. Do you go to security for something like this? Do you leave it alone and let men go on doing the same thing to other people? Do you make a scene to try to attract the attention of anyone nearby? I don’t have the answers, but I do have to rethink how I approach conventions on my own in the future.

5 Replies to “RICC 2018 and Harassment”

  1. Sounds like you handled it very well. I find it sad, that when someone asks me if I’m married and I say yes, some respond, “Are you happily married?” . As if now being married is not enough of an excuse anymore not to be bothered. Stay safe, but enjoy!

  2. In my experience more mainstream people (non regular con goers) are attending these events sometimes just for the big names. So they have no idea of how things work. Also some men go there just to see women in their cosplay. One time in Philly I overheard a guy calling his friend on the phone saying: “Dude, you gotta come here. There are lots of women in skimpy outfits”.

    Some people are also just creepy.

    I like to cosplay when I can, and have also experienced some of what you have mentioned. Not much to do besides letting them know you are uncomfortable and letting security know if it gets bad.

  3. That is the sad part of the whole cosplay costume world.
    I am fortunate. Being a tall woman of color people assume I will hit them if they step out of line.
    This year at NYCC I wore something for me was far more fleshy. Luckily no one tried or said anything.
    Its sad that these males think they are allowed to do or say anything just cause you’re in a costume. Whether its a performance or a con.
    There’s a whole lot that I take issue with with the whole experience.
    I will say this you don’t owe anyone anything. If someone sleeves you let them know.
    No one should be made to feel uncomfortable.

  4. Sorry to hear that. From your description I find the first case much more creepy than the 2nd. The 2nd guy was just asking questions in a normal polite way, i don’t see any crossing of lines in that case. There’s a lot of hobby photographers who aks girls if they wanna model, as long as he accepts your no I don’t see any wrong in this. He wasn’t aggressive or doing anything against your stated will at any time.
    On the other hand the first guy gave you commands (slow down) and demanded things (full body pic) instead of politely asking, and doing things (arm around) without asking. Thie behaviour was inappropriate. Also he showed signs of moderate aggression (yelling), also he kept adressing you several time throughout the day, which is creepy.
    So overall I found the 1st guy creepy, impolite and to some extent potentially dangerous, but not the 2nd one, who was always asking in a normal way and never aggressively. I seems to me, if that guy would have been younger and good-looking, you would have perceived the same behaviour as nice and normal.

  5. Sigh, I’m sorry you have to put up with that crap.

    Since you’re asking . . . I’m probably closer to the demographic of the second guy. In that situation I’d recommend:
    1. As soon as you’re uncomfortable stop answering questions, just say “I have to go,” and leave.
    2. If he gets in your way, say “Buzz off, creep!” loud enough to attract the attention of bystanders. Which is, yes, making a scene and socially disapproved, but it will also bring the bystanders down on him.
    3. Don’t try tell him he’s being inappropriate. Either he’s too clueless or too uncaring and either way he’s probably too old to be educated.
    4. Don’t say anything he can use to continue conversion. That’s feeding a troll.

    Good luck, and I hope most cons stay better than that for you.

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